I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he fucked my hip out of place.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Boobs are out for the taking
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
