You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
