my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
