I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
