I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
