I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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