$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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