He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
