I want to walk on stilts...naked
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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