I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
