the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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