ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
