His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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