It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
