idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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