Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
