it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
