I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
