Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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