I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize