next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
