I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
