the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
