So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
