Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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