I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
