Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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