Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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