I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
