Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
