is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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