I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
