i may or may not be watching the land before time
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm gonna fight the coyote
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
