oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
