so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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