Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
