I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
