I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
nutella sex= disaster
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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