but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
