I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
