I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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