I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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