i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize