Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
