He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
