I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
