what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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