On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
