it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
