i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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