You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
