we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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