Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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