I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
