When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
high people should be assigned attendants
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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