Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
