First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
