If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
