the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
