i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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