thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
