That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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