Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
