Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
