I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
