I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this will be a night to untag.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
