Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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