I smell stomach acid.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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