I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
