I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
