Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
