the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm having to shit out rocks
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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