I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
