you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
