I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
