Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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