Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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