I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
