my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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