She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
