dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
