You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
