All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
