where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
