he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
