i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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