using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
