Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
