Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
