Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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