oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
